My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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