Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
