Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
