I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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