I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
