Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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