I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
