I think my fart just growled at me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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