Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
