Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
