I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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