Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His hands were made for my vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
