Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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