with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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