mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
