so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
