My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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