My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
