and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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