He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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