it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I met the friendliest cop last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
