I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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