Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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