What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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