drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
