YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
