just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
