i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
