He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i drank out of a bidet.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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