my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
