final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
