I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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