I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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