Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
