Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
