Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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