Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
