Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
