I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
