In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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