Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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