id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
