sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
