A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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