She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
