This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
