and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
