I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
