Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
