..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
