Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
