pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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