Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
