And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
