i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
