I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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