I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
