yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
